MIA
by Cocoon02
Summary: Hope Estheim has gone missing, and it's Alyssa's job to find him. Thankfully, he's "hiding" in plain sight. But what caused him to shy away from everyone?


**Author's Note:** Hello, fellow fanfiction fans! I present to you, a oneshot. I know, _very_ exciting. You've _never_ seen one of _these_ before. *drowning in sarcasm guys help*

Okay, before we get started, I want it put on record that I absolutely positively extremely dislike Alyssa. I *physically* do not like her. I understand her, but I hate her.

ANYWAY, let's go!

* * *

"Director?"

Alyssa Zaidelle roamed a little, looking for her boss. He'd skipped the evacuation drill again, and the Academy Director of this age wanted to know where he'd been hiding out. She'd already searched the lab, his office, even peeked into the men's restroom. He was nowhere to be found. The only place left she could think of was his personal quarters.

She knew the code to get in...completely by accident, of course. Hastily imputing the four-digit sequence, she slipped inside.

It was dark, and eerily quiet. Maybe he wasn't here, either... Still, she had to look. The kitchen/living/dining room was empty, as was his bedroom. Though she did note that his quarters were attractively neat, albeit a bit sad. Quite the opposite of his office. There was nothing personal here, no notes strewn about the table, not even a dirty shirt on the floor. The dishes were all done, if they had even been used in the first place.

That, more than anything else, scared her. She was an abuser of re-using dishes, having just enough time to swiftly scarf up anything before crashing from exhaustion. She knew she wasn't the only one. Had he been eating? Had he looked thinner lately? She found that she couldn't remember, and heightened her search.

Just as she was about to give up, she remembered that all apartments in this wing of the building had a small balcony. The drapes in front of the door had covered it, so she hadn't checked there - assuming they just covered windows. This was her last hope. If he wasn't out there...

All it took was the moving for a curtain to confirm that he was. She felt some relief, yet couldn't force herself to open the door and talk to him. He was just...standing there. Her fear that he hadn't been eating grew when she noticed his clothes hanging loosely off of his already lean frame, flapping just as freely in the wind as his silver hair.

Somehow, he knew she was there. It wasn't long before he raised his dominant hand and gestured for her to join him. The simple movement sent a jolt of acid through her, but she obeyed.

The wind didn't roar in her ears as much as it deeply moaned as she stepped out onto the balcony. She closed the door behind her, but hovered by it. She wanted to truly join him, but couldn't help but hesitate. He wasn't...right, somehow.

"What is it, Alyssa?"

His voice sounded normal, maybe he was okay after all, though in the very back of her mind, she acknowledged the tired edge to his words.

"You skipped out on the drill, everyone was worried."

"...What drill?"

She took a small step forward, "The evac drill, remember?"

He didn't move; she couldn't even tell if he was breathing, "...I don't look at those memos anymore."

"Well you should," she lightly chastised, tip-toeing around her usual demeanor, "You miss things if you don't."

"You'll tell me what I miss."

"That's not the point, Director," she finally stepped up and leaned against the railing beside him, which she noticed he was physically avoiding, "Is something wrong? You're avoiding people, and-" she cut herself off. As she looked up at him, she saw that she must've been right about him not eating. His face was thinner, his bones more prominent, and that shirt should've fit him. It was nothing dramatic, but she kicked herself for not noticing sooner.

He sighed, turning his head away from her, "I'm fine, Alyssa. Just go back and tell everyone I fell asleep, that's all. It won't happen again."

"But it _will_ , Director," she protested quietly, "You're not fine."

He still refused to look at her, "Just go. I'll see you tomorrow."

She hesitated, but, "No. I'm not going anywhere until you talk to me."

She meant it, and they both knew it. But for a while, no one but the wind spoke, still moaning and groaning in their ears.

Until.

"...I can't do it. And I've been a fool to think that I could."

Alyssa could only choke on her relief that she'd gotten him to talk, "Do what, Director?"

Only now did he too lean on the railing, "Save Fang, and...and Vanille..."

Vanille. Of course. The name alone hardened her against his pain, but no, she couldn't let that...woman, stop her from helping him.

She touched his arm tenderly, "Sure you can, Director..."

He shied away from her touch, not much, but enough that she pulled away. He shook his head, "No..."

"Why not? You've been trying all this time, what's different now?"

In a split second, he shifted from tired to frustrated, a frightening emotion on him, "Because I can't _do_ anything! Even with this advanced technology we have access to..." he deflated, and just as quickly, he wasn't frightening anymore, "We can't even find them in that pillar..."

His voice was barely audible above the wind, but what she did hear, was what finally showed her how broken he was. His voice, his body, his _soul_ was weighed down by his inability to help his friends. He'd lost everyone he loved, just like she had, so many years ago. These two were theoretically in his grasp, but they were just out of reach.

Hope Estheim, the strongest man she knew, was drained. He was just done. He had given up his namesake. She'd seen him in slumps before, but this was different.

She stared at the city in front of them, dulled by the blanket of clouds overhead, but still shining with progress with its sleek buildings and streamlined transportation. She could encourage him all she liked, but it wouldn't help.

It came to her lips before her head decided it was okay, "Director...have you been eating?"

She was met only with silence - at first. Then she heard what sounded like the beginnings of words that just...wouldn't come.

"Director?"

He shifted his weight, a simple thing, but something about it made her feel uneasy. He hesitated, "...Not as much as I should, no, but that's none of your concern."

"None of my concern? You've got to be joking."

"My poor priorities are my problem."

Alyssa grabbed his arm, "Director, they're _my_ problem, too. As soon as we stepped into that time capsule, we became responsible for each other. You are all I have, and I am all you have," Hope shrugged her off, and her lungs deflated, "...I know it sucks, but it's true..."

The breeze picked up, playing with his silver hair in a way she had been so tempted in the past. He looked so peaceful, despite the ravages of time and personal neglect on his part. His sunken eyes and thin face had developed the ability over the years to be his mask. It had become harder and harder to read him.

After a period of thick silence, he grabbed onto the railing, so firmly that his knuckles went white. His eyes went dark.

For the first time since knowing him, Alyssa was afraid _of_ instead of _for_ him. Her boss was loved and respected, but also feared - all of which she'd seen firsthand. He was feared for both being an ex-l'Cie, and for being one of the most intelligent minds in the world. None of that had ever bothered her. When others were afraid she was impressed. Only now was she afraid. He _was_ an ex-l'Cie...he had survived the Purge, - a thought that churned her stomach - was a part of the group who had saved Cocoon. He had climbed through the Academy faster than what should have been possible, a feat that had never been replicated. He had proven again and again that given the circumstances, he could do anything.

He wouldn't hurt her, that was what was so stupid. Despite his power, despite his past, despite his pain, he had never laid a hand on a woman, and certainly not her. Why was she so afraid?

"You have no idea...how many times I've thought about giving up..."

"Giving up? Director..."

"All of it. Everything. My work, my..."

 _My life._

Surely he didn't...he couldn't...

Suddenly, finding him on the balcony made way too much sense for comfort.

She grabbed his arm again, not caring whether or not he wanted her to let go, she wouldn't let him go, "Director, you can't. There's still so much for you here...you can't just..."

She would have sworn on anything that she heard him chuckle, "No, I didn't mean give up on living. I meant give up on my dream. Of saving them, of...of being a family again..."

She let up a little, "Director..."

He just shook his head, "It doesn't matter anymore, we have a world to save now," he turned away from her and headed back to his apartment.

Alyssa couldn't help but admire him a little more. It wasn't easy to have the safety of the world on your shoulders, especially since this wasn't the first time for him. He was putting the safety of the world over his desire to free his friends. An easy thing to say, but a hard thing to execute.

As he opened the door back into a future he had helped create, he paused, and looked back at her, "Thank you. For everything."

Before he had even closed the door, Alyssa drowned in her own guilt.

* * *

 **Done!**

 **So, I have no idea where this idea came from, but I hope you enjoyed it! The effects the events of the story have on the characters always intrigued me, and I guess I just thought that it would be so easy for Hope to have wanted to give up over those 500 years. So much happened, and he seemed to have his heart in everything. I mean, the people who seem to have it all together are just as broken as the rest of us, right?**

 **As for why I included Alyssa...as much as I hate her, 13-2 never really explored the kind of relationship they had. All they gave us was that she obviously liked him, and he was ambivalent. (or just totally focused on Vanille yup yup that's how it works at least from what I saw)**

 **Anywho, let me know what you thought! :)**


End file.
